Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
