I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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