For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
