and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
