Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
