Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
