He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
