I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
