Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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