someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize