when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
