Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
