sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
