Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
