What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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