wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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