WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
