god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
