You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
