But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
