Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
