I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it glows. i had to have it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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