i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
