How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
