You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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