So drunk its hurt
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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