I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
