I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
