dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I need a burrito and a hug.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
