it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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