apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
