dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
