think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize