wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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