listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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