Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
