the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
