I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
