The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
