thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
