when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
