I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize