I faked an abortion last night.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
