he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
