but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
