Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
