Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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