Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
