OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
