I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
