I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
