Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
