Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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