D3 body, D1 cock
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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