WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
