drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
