Already got asked if we're dating
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
