Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
