Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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