Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
