come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize