take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
