shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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