he wants to bone in the snuggie
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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