Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
