soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
