I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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